One of my sisters finally left for Canada last day of July, and I think it really dampened my enthusiasm for much of the other things that I pay attention to on a daily basis - meaning work. If you read this sister, I’m not blaming you. I was just sad and it’s like all the excitement or nonexcitement made me want to just wallow and stare in space for a while. She’s with me almost every single day, after all, the past six years since after she graduated from college. Of course, that’s not counting our childhood years, which we spent mostly not really connecting because of our six-year age gap.
But it’s almost been a month and I have this urgent need to wake up from this stupor. I have pressing deadlines after all so I need to get my groove back - meaning I need to get my workaholic mojo back. Also, I need to keep my newly purchased 32-in. TV turned off. What, I was sad - I needed to buy myself something. Well, I also needed telephone batteries but I thought the TV is way cooler.
People are lonely in this world for lots of different reasons. Some people have something in their disposition. Maybe they were just born too mean, or maybe they were born too tender. But most people are brought to where they are by circumstance, by calamity or a broken heart or something else happening in their lives that wasn’t anything they planned on. People are lonely in this world for lots of different reasons. The one thing that I do know is, it doesn’t matter what any one of them might tell you–nobody wants to be alone. - Allie Keys (Steven Spielberg’s Taken, 2002)
I haven’t written about solitude for so long. I haven’t written about anything with substance in a while, if I can be honest with myself. Now is the time when I hope nobody else is reading this blog because I am going to write something real - I wonder about my future. I do think about how I will be 20 or 30 years down the road.
I wonder if I should be terrified because people who care about me have expressed concern - and acquaintances have asked questions - about my unmarried (much more, unattached) state. I guess that’s what you get when you reach a certain age and you’re starting to look like a market commodity that’s fast approaching its expiration date. But I am not terrified, and I want to trust myself in that. I am not closed off, either, and I welcome any changes if anything will come up in front of me. But if I am indeed meant to be alone in this world in the sense that most people would rather not be themselves, I wouldn’t take it too much against my fate nor the universe.
I don’t feel too alone, although it’s true there are times when I feel I could use some company. Family is always there, and I do have friends to call on when I’m hoping for some break in routine. If I may say so myself, I used to be a pretty darn good “bestfriend” that those who called me as such had told me I’d probably be a good “other half” to somebody someday as well. That I’m not anybody’s bestfriend (in that high school definition of doing everything together/telling each other everything and anything), or girlfriend, or wife right now probably places a big question mark on that claim. But I don’t want to second-guess myself especially when I’m feeling rather contented.
I’m not writing this to defend myself, which only would make it seem like I’m covering up my true feelings. I’m just in the mood to share, while at the same time probably hoping no one else would actually have the intent to read this (because, you know, I could have a change of heart and regret writing something personal, then claim for a disability appeal just to save my face).
So, I was watching this CNN feature about an unmarried artist - a woman - who said that most people would give anything to have children because everybody wants to leave a part of ourselves to this world after we die. That sounds selfish, but I do think that statement makes sense. But when people I know ask me, “Who will take care of you when you’re old if you don’t have children”?, I can only manage a sly smile. I don’t want to raise children who will grow up having this default responsibility haunting their subconscious minds. Maybe I’ll just love them enough that they will love me back just as much. Or maybe I won’t have any child after all, and that’s fine, too. Because as much as I love the idea of becoming a mother, I am not worried about leaving this world without a mark if I don’t become one after all. I’ve been doing my part, the best way I understand what it is to be, and I know now my efforts will not be in vain. Somehow, that’s enough for me; if that makes me look nothing more than a sad spinster writing on a blog only I and a few people know about, then so be it. To each his own, if you believe in that.
For reference: My very first blog entry on being single . Four years, and nothing’s changed.
Even my most-against-online-shopping friends are now seeing the light and giving themselves a treat by purchasing stuff from group-buying sites. I think I’ve Liked almost every existing major deals site with my Facebook account, and although I haven’t made a point of computing how much exactly I have spent for purchases in such online shopping sites, I’m pretty sure it’s quite a considerable amount already, especially since my latest purchase is an HD DVD player bought for 50% off.
My friend’s having a birthday party for her daughter soon, and even in such occasions, I can think of a site or two where I’ve seen really expensive toys being sold for much less than the original price. Well, if I can find photo birth announcements or something like those for another friend, then I think I’ve seen it all.
I’m thinking about TV shows and movies that I watch. Last weekend, my sister and I watched Ang Babae sa Septic Tank (The Woman in the Septic Tank), in a full-house movie theater, and we were delighted to have left the cinema quite satisfied and pleased by where we spent our hard-earned money on. If you haven’t seen it, I suggest you do. It’s a riot, it’s an art film, it’s thought-provoking, but generally it’s just a total crowd pleaser.
Now what it made me realize is that I’m not really a genre watcher. I mean, I’m not sure that’s the best, or even accurate, way to describe it, but by that I mean I can watch pretty much anything that will get my attention. My enjoyment of movies and TV shows - or music for that matter - don’t really depend on anything in particular. Well, I can make a case for gory-for-nothing horror flicks and dumb-for-nothing ”comedies”; those I tend to avoid.
Babae is the first Filipino movie that I spent some bucks on in a long time - I don’t even watch foreign movies that much in theaters; I mostly wait for DVDs and - ahem - online “copies.” Hey, some people even watch uploads of new movies taken with nothing but digital camera exilim at the source. But I’m getting way out of topic here. What I really realized is that I only gave Babae a thought when I realized that it’s not a comedy designed on a linear story. And because I didn’t know what to expect of it, it made for a good surprise. I think I’ll now hunt for previous Cinemalaya winners.
A friend posted this in one of the social media websites - where else - I have an account in, and I think it’s a funny way of explaining social media though not something that doesn’t make sense. Look
However you feel about it, however private or open you are about sharing your life with other people - not to mention the never secure and ever-changing rules of the Internet - we cannot deny that social media is now something we cannot ignore. [Of course, this statement is refutable. My parents and older relatives don’t give a frak about them, and they continue to live their lifes contently. But if you’re reading this blog, you get my drift.]
Twitter has been, and probably still is, my favorite. I love it for easy access to any kind of information - and I mean ANY kind - and the ability it allows you to ask questions and converse with anyone from any side of the word, all in real time. It’s probably also the most used media by professionals to promote their products and services.
Facebook, of course, is something huge. I’ve been reconnected with hundreds of high school acquaintances, most of them I don’t even remember by name or face anymore. I even see grandmothers of friends actively commenting on posts and pictures.
Another favorite, LinkedIn, is one I use for professional stuff. If you know how to use it, it’s a really great avenue to keep abreast of things about your profession, including job openings and subject-specific discussions. It’s not just a way to display your professional profile - companies also use it to promote their business, like that of National Biweekly Administration, and individuals use it to promote their services.
I’m still warming up to Google+. I think it has potential, but Facebook is just too huge to tackle now. Besides, like they say, if it ain’t broken don’t fix it. Maybe Google+ is not meant to “fix” any low points of Facebook, but I can imagine it’s just too tedious for most people to make a transfer or even maintain accounts on both sites at once.
Well, YouTube is great, too. I use it all the time; the other ones on that list above, not so much.
