My problem with big ideas is that I don’t have any.
Ideas, that is, but that’s just me ranting. I’ve been depressed for … sometimes it feels like the whole of my life. I would hate to go philosophical right now and blabber on my life’s hedonistic pursuits. I don’t think I have a life currently, to be honest. I know what you would say, "Get one already!" If we’re face to face, you will see my diffidence and a little smile that tells you "Let’s not talk about it, OK?" It’s a little tedious to explain why I am the way I am. And quite pointless, too, yes.
Awful sweet to be a little butterfly
just winging over things
and nothing deep inside.
Nothing going going wild in you,
you know,
you’re slowing by the riverside
floating high and blue
…Cause you know,
I don’t do sadness
not even a little bit.
Just don’t need it in my life
don’t want any part of it…[from Spring Awakening]
It’s a depressing song. In the play, I wouldn’t want to tell you how that scene ended. But there’s a dialogue in the middle that I find so poignantly relatable:
Ilse: What are you looking for?
Moritz: If only I knew.
Ilse: Then what’s the use of looking?
So what’s this sudden craving for big ideas? My practical side tells me I can use the cash that would afford me. My romantic side tells me it’s time to push the envelope and shed a little of my mediocrity.
I badly need some air. And a little inspiration while I’m at it.
So maybe
I should be some kind of laundry line
Hang there things on me
And I will swing ‘em dry.
You just wave in the sun
Through the afternoon
And then see
They come to set you free
Beneath the rising moon
I actually have just read about Nishikori today. 
I haven’t watch him play, though.
i like this song. i can totally relate, especially the song “left behind”. i hope they bring spring awakening here.
Posted by ven at February 19, 2008, 10:42 ammaybe when you’re in a ‘perky’ mood you could post the song “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” heheh…
i have my moments down there in the dumps too, but they eventually pass. i guess we need these moments to make us really appreciate the times when we’re UP — which are admittedly far and few in between.
You have hedonistic pursuits?
Posted by TPS at February 21, 2008, 9:37 pmTPS, I’m tempted to say “in one way or another” but that’s going to add context na, nya he he.
It’s just that sometimes, I just want to think of ME instead of my responsibilities; to take pleasure in life without thinking too much. I find that hard. Too much baggage, eh?
But it’s just the blues; it comes and goes.
It’s good you did not. My overly active imagination tends to go haywire sometimes.
You talk and walk like a firstborn, at least, the way you speak of your responsibilities. And it made you who you are, baggage or not. I’ve seen crazy, and this is not crazy. Just lighten up sometimes.
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zar, if there’s a cruise ship named depression, i’ll probably be in it, still there’s something to be vicariously happy about these days. heard of nishikori?
Posted by fence at February 18, 2008, 10:41 pm